oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
