In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
