So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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