we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
