True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
