hell yes lets make some ravioli
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
