is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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