The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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