Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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