you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
