Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
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