He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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