im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
