There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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