she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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