I hate your face
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
