What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
