just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I need moral support for this bender
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
