If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
