Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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