Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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