im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you never un-have a 4some
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
