Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
