Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Quick, to the slutcave!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
