They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
