the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
