All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
