just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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