dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
