He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
