Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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