I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
