Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
