And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
