How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
