Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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