Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
