I love black thongs
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
