Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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