Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
