Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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