I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
