Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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