apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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