I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
