the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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