Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
