I just made out with a guy for $7.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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