So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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