I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
