Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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