Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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