He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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