I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
