Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
