I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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