I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize