my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
