I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize