Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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