Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
