OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
