every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
They have beer where we have blood.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
