Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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