I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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