You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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