My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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