I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
