it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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