i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
