the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
