Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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