Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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