My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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