Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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