need another drink. this is the easiest way
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
